some poorly articulated thoughts

to respond, i think the whiny baby comment is interesting. calling yourself a baby is not really appropriate right now. studying abroad is certainly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. that has been drilled into our heads and is true mostly. but there are certainly aspects of it that are not optimal. anything built up as the best experience of our lives is bound to make us feel weird and that we are not living up to expectations, no matter how much we do, how many people we meets, etc. the requirement to have the best time ever in just 4 months in a foreign city is a difficult one to meet. just because you're not completely comfortable doesn't make you ungrateful or whiny.

i'm going to take a cue from the ultimate study abroad film, Auberge Espagnol and think that perhaps not knowing what to expect will make me feel more comfortable, perhaps even gain an "education sentimentale" as they say. we shouldn't be doing anything because we feel like we have to. it doesn't make sense to force yourself into situations that you don't want to be apart of. leaving in three months should not stop us from digging into our respective environments. i think the experience will be day-to-day, it's hard to analyze right now, though.

i often lament during breaks that i put stuff off in dc all of the time (like recording an oral history). the urgency of the 4 months will hopefully help to make me really dig in and think less about what i'm missing in dc. i've certainly learned to live more in dc and think less about what i'm missing in relationships with folks at other schools. that was hard at first, but now it's second nature.

anyway, today i got a 50 euro bill (note?) in the mail from a family friend and thought, man i won't be using dollars for a long time and also that i'm leaving very soon. i expect that during this trip, i will feel more an adult. i sometimes worry that i will feel lonely, but hopefully i will relish time that i have by myself. i don't know how much better at french i will be. chris, do you feel that you're getting a lot better with german? i don't really know when i'll be meeting french people, but i do want to speak with more ease. i think that people expect that i will be able to be instantly fluent there...i think that may be a stretch. also, i fear that i'll feel down and thus not live in the moment of being in paris. hopefully i will be able to ftake any set-backs in stride.

these predeparture thoughts will be a good read later on.

-holly